Seeking Survivors for Book

Cancer Healing, Art, and Spirit

If you are a cancer survivor who has used art in your healing process, and you can talk about your spiritual journey, you might want to contact me about being one of the 12-20 people in a book. Just make a post and I will get back to you with specifics.


This is a busy week. Saturday morning I am going to do something I have never done before -- join a rowing team. Intregris hospital will be part of the April 19th Dragonboat races on the Oklahoma River. Practice is Saturday morning. I will have to tape my hands and wrists because they are painful, but I'm going to give it a try, along with other cancer survivors, even though I have never been athletic. I may wash out in the first five minutes, but trying something totally new is a challenge. It's clear from research that exercise is a critical part of recovery. Saturday afternoon, I'll be heading to the hospital to help make mini pillows that will be used under the arms for women just out of breast cancer surgery. I am also looking forward to meeting Lynn Redgrave next week. She and her daughter, both breast cancer survivors, are touring with their story.

CANCER SUPPORT

Cancer Support Team:

Who's in your picture?

Who is on your cancer support team? It's spring time and the metaphor of preparing the garden for planting comes up again in many things I read. Weeding, preparing the soil, planting the seeds, watering and nourishing the garden of our souls and our lives. Which relationships need to be weeded from your life, or at least transplanted out of your garden for now? Too many volunteer activities? Someone who drains you? Which relationships need to be nourished the best you are capable of doing it now? Sometimes we just don't have anything to give. Sometimes we do. It may be praying for others. It may be listening to them. Taking an action. Think about how a support team works. Everybody contributes in one way or another.

Obviously, your medical team is number one (after God) on your cancer support team, but most of us need more than that. I read about it over and over again. How, when you are diagnosed with cancer, some people in your life disappear. And, some people you hardly knew before or haven't heard from in years are suddenly really there for you. And, relationships may change. That's certanly been true for me. Let's not be too hasty to make assumptions about why people disappear. One of the most common remarks I hear is that so-and-so just can't face her own mortality and can't deal with being around me. That may be true about some people--it probably is--but there can be a lot of other reasons.

For one thing, sometimes people who are very friendly turn out to be more acquaintances than friends. After all, friendly only means friendly. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Cancer can help us realize who the people are who really do care about us. And, when it comes down to remembering that everyone in life, with or without cancer, has their own stuff going on, it can also help us realize who we do or do not truly care about on a personal level. Survivor art can help you see more clearly.

Some people we really do care about may turn out to be toxic for us at this time in our lives for one reason or another. That doesn't mean we necessarily have to burn a bridge (sounds like a therapy issue to me), but it can mean we may not want to be in contact with them during healing. Or, it may mean we need help in learning new ways of protecting ourselves or responding rather than reacting. Because we pereceive them as toxic doesn't have to mean they are bad people, although sometimes they are and that can be hard to digest. It may just be we currently are on opposing paths. Like the person in my life who acts like she believes if I pretend there is nothing wrong with me, it will all disappear. Healing means using your energy wisely and part of that is picking and choosing your team well.

I believe it is true that when one door closes another door opens. Are there doors God may be trying to close so that others will open? Can you trust God and accept the closing of a door without having to understand why? Cancer can be a time of getting much closer to the God. Not only in the times we fear for our lives, but in daily living. It can mean a time of truly learning to live with God in the pilot's seat, rather than letting someone else direct where we are going. Not to mention our own control issues. There may be people in our lives we can't walk away from. Children. A job that we can't leave quite yet --although if it's dragging you down, be aware you may be more stressed than you realize and professional guidance as well as faith can go a long way in moving you to another door you may not yet have imagined. This is a great time to pray and to practice the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, accept the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Where is God in all this? Where is prayer? You may want to write a dialogue with God and doodle any images that come to mind. This can help you undestand where you are at the moment in your relationship with the Higher Powere. You do know that God is big enough to handle any anger you may have??!! Who are the people in your life who support, validate, and enliven you? The people who accept you as you are and encourage you in your healing. Who do you need to accept just the way they are and, at the same time, maybe not take what they say personally nor seriously? Sometimes the most surprising people can say things we need to hear, whether we want to hear them or not. A true friendship does not mean you have to see things the same way all the time. I don't think it's an accident that we all have unique fingerprints. There are things all human beings have in common but, nevertheless, we all leave our own unique mark. One way we learn is through our differences. But this takes discernment. That's a healthy thinking issue as well as a spiritual issue. It's important to remember that there is a big differnece in making judgments or decisions based on fear and on inner knowing. If fear is present, inner knowing is likely not. Do you have the tools you need now? If so, which ones are you using regularly? If not, where can you get them? Who are the people in your life who move you away from your truth and healing? Who are the people who move you toward inner peace and away from fear? Make an art piece that reminds you of your healing cancer support team and use it for inspiration. Or, maybe you need to make an art piece about someone who has disappointed you or made you angry. Give it a try and see what you learn. Survivor art helps us thrive.

Breast Cancer Survivor Images

What does a survivor look like?

I've started two breast cancer art files showing what breast cancer survivors look like. Images from the web of breast cancer celebrity survivors like Sheryl Crow, Edie Falco, Melissa Etheridge, Olivia Newton John, and Rue McClanahan perk me up. So do those of people like Myrna Loy, Greta Garbo, and Julia Child who lived decades beyond expectations at the time. And, breast cancer treatment is so much better than it was then. Don't use copyrighted images without permission if you intend to sell your art, but I sure do like the little personal motivation collage I made in my journal with me in the center of some of my favorite celebs!

In my manila envelope file, I have pictures of breast cancer survivors I know. I asked them to email their photos to me. I also have pictures I've torn from magazines of places I want to go and things I want to do in my survivor future. They are also about women who thrive, people, and places who inspire us to thrive, because pictures of breast cancer aren't all about cells. I'm working on a glorious collage of places I plan to visit with other cancer survivors. My bosom buddies, and others with cervical cancer, lung cancer, thyroid cancer...we're all in this together.

HEALING TOUCH

Today I had Healing Touch

Today I went to the hospital for a wonderful experience. Nurse Carol Hjersted-Smith greeted me when I came in. We sat and talked about what is going on with me. Then, I stretched out on the treatment table and closed my eyes. She covered me with a warm blanket and guided me through a relaxation exercise. Just yesterday, I wrote about the importance of intent, and that was something Carol asked me about.

The Healing Touch website says, "Healing Touch is a complementary (or integrative) energy therapy that can be used in conjunction with traditional therapies or as a stand-alone treatment." Healing Touch has many benefits, including pain relief, anxiety reduction, stengthening of the immune system, spiritual connection, diminishment of chemotherapy side effects, and lots more.

I am thrilled that Andi referred me to Carol for Healing Touch. Why I hadn't thought of it during the past few years, who knows! Carol also has a private practice. When I went back to graduate school at age 50 to change careers, I used to go to Carol before major exams. I've known her for a long time, and it is important to me that she has both extensive training and a good heart. Healing Touch is a body, mind, and soul treatment. I can't say enough good things about it.

Everyone's experience is different. I have meditated and taught meditation or decades, but during the past few years of cancer treatment, meditation hasn't always been as easy as it used to be. Today, I went into a very deep meditation. As soon as her hands floated above my body, I began to see images of beautiful flowers, mostly Easter lilies and a few jonquils and flowery tulips. Whites and pinks. Part of the time I drifted off, deeply relaxing. Part of the time I had images and prayerful thoughts. When her hands came to my hand and wrist, where I have a lot of pain that interfers with the use of my hand, I started getting more images relating to particular situations and people in my life. I just watched the images with curiosity and did not try to figure them out. The more I approach internal meditative experiences with that attitude, the more the images flow. Toward the end, I had internal pictures and sound that guided me to finish a painting I started for my dear friend Marcie, who also has cancer, and to call an artist who owes me a painting I paid for several years ago. When I "see" images" it is as though they come from particular parts of my body. The images today started out on the left, went to the right, and ended in the center.

For awhile, the pain in my hands and wrists was totally gone. That was great. What has lasted is diminished pain and a deep sense of calm. I took that throughout my day, with more clear thinking, and into this evening. I'm guessing I'm going to have a very good night's sleep.

Check it out. Healing Touch......now I'm going to hold my little dachsund Stewie on my lap and pass some of that good feeling on to him.

Receiving Bad Advice: How I asked for it.

I had no idea that breast cancer would bring up issues I thought were long ago basically processed and accepted. I got a rude reminder that dealing with major life issues is not something that is ever completely over and done with. Processing those issues, for me anyway, is a spiral rather than a linear process.

In other words, they come back up again at various points in life for more work, prayer, new insights, and new ways of coping. That doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. It is what it is. In this age of the mega bucks self help culture, we are bombarded with quick fix solutions. If we pick and choose from what we read and what we hear, it can be useful. If we don't remember that we are all personally responsible for ourselves and need to integrate our own truth and experiences with what we learn, well, we may be setting ourselves up for a fall. These things don't just apply to people with cancer, but if you are going through the cancer healing journey, finding your individual effective way of dealing with them is more important than ever, a part of healing. At least, that's how I see it.

Sometimes a guide, in my case an oncology art therapist, is invaluable and even necessary. A spiritual director can be very helpful, but with cancer, it's therapy time for me and I'm an old therapist! Through the education I've received in therapy, I've learned that what I was experiencing wasn't unusual for someone on this journey even if others in my life thought I was losing it. And, my astute therapist sees things in me I can't see in myself. There are always things we can't see in ourselves.

I've learned, the hard way, that sometimes the only useful person for me to talk with is my therapist. For the daily impact of treatment, other survivors are great! That doesn't mean I've left my other good friends behind. A few of them are lights for me -- but we don't talk a whole lot about the impact of cancer on my life, although they may not see it that way. And my family has gone to great lengths to assist me, but they have their own lives going on too. Blindness, early dementia, heart surgery, and major stress are just a few of the things they are have on their plates. Life happens to everyone.

There are some very good reasons for being careful who we talk to about what is going on with us on this journey. I'm told I need to put myself first now and I believe that is true. That doesn't have to mean that I forget that others have stuff going on too.

1. Cancer is hard for those around us as well as ourselves. I've sometimes expected too much emotional support from people. I've sometimes forgotten that it's hard for them too. Especially when you look fine, it's hard for people to get it about you. Whent hey look fine, it's sometimes hard for me to remember they have their own stuff.

I know that my intensity has been very hard for people who do not experience life with such intensity but, rather, walk through life at a more even keel that will never be me. I'm not talking about inner peace and seeking balance. I seek that too,in my own way, but not the same way as many of the people in my life. There are a few who get the intensity. Only one doesn't have breast cancer. That intensity is normal for me. It doesn't mean all breast cancer people are like me. One thing I have seen is how survivors who learn to be who they are get along much better with healing.

I sure hope I have learned when to keep my mouth shut. Ok, so I know I will take steps backward as long as forward, but things like remembering The Four Agreements (Seeing the Art Therapist in archives) and having guidelines I keep uppermost in mind make a big difference.

2. It's no big deal for me to tell someone else in treatment, or with any chronic disease, that it took me 45 mintues to get out of bed. Other people don't want to hear it. After all, what can they do? Sometimes that's because they feel helpless. Just because I have times of feeling helpless, doesn'tmean I need to lay that on someone else. I realize that sometimes I'm trying to explain why I don't have the energy to do this or that when I look fine. For me, this is about learning how to have dignity on this journey. Hey, it's only taken me two years to realize that. Maybe you figured that out right away.

Recently, while in the grip of some very painful memories of an abuse experience a lifetime ago--one that changed my self image and my life--I wrote several long emails to an old friend pouring out my pain of the moment. Big mistake.

Why was it a mistake? Here are a few reasons. I don't know if they apply to you, but they are golden pink reminders for me.

1. Some things require professional guidance. Issues interferring with your functioning or frequently on the mind are big clues. Pride can kill--when we need help, we need help. There's no shame in that. It's a normal part of healing. Even if you are doing great and haven't had any problems, cancer therapist have a wealth of information to pass along. To survivors and caretakers alike.

2. Someone who hasn't had cancer or experience working with cancer may be very well meaning, but may give terrible advice. Whether you want advice or not. Most people hear pain and want to solve it -- whether for you or to feel comfortable themselves. Our culture is geared that way. Not many people really understand that what you are going through is part of your process and not who you are.

Professionals see this cancer process every day. While I may feel like I'm the only one feeling this or that, the truth is I'm experiencing a normal part of the journey that tons of others are experiencing. It really, really helps to hear that from a professional. Getting help can move us through the experience rather than staying stuck.

3. Even someone who has had cancer may deal with it and the other things that come up as a result of it in a very, very different way than what will work for me.

4. Some wonderful people hear a "problem" and feel compelled to fix it. Yes, I know I am repeating that. I fall into that trap, too, by the way, on the other side of the fence. But not as often and not as deep. I've learned a whole lot about how not to give advice by receiving bad advice. We are all teachers and students. Sometimes we teach by good example, and sometimes we teach by bad example. All of us. If you're perfect, let me know.

I didn't want my friend to "fix"me. I just wanted her to hear me. I don't know if it would have been different if I'd told her that upfront. In retrospect, I wouldn't say the things I did, because she and I cope with life so very differently. I didn't stop to think about that. Bottom line, I didn't stop to think.

This is what I wasn't stopping to consider:
1. The things that have come up for me with cancer are beyond what most people can handle. Pick and choose who you talk with. Just because someone is a friend doesn't mean it is appropriate or useful to pour your heart out. Finding the right, appropriate, and useful support people is key.

2. People usually project when they give advice. They'll tell you what they would do, but what works for them may not work for you. You may end up feeling worse than before you opened your mouth or, in my case, floweth at the mouth through email. My therapist gave me excellent advice: don't mail an email for 24 hours.

3. People confronted with your pain may become uncomfortable, and say what they need to say to regain their own comfort level. This is especially true if they have unresolved issues they don't see or aren't ready to face. While you feel worse, they may feel better after the conversation because they think they have "helped" even if what they said did the opposite. But, hey, who opened the door? Sometimes we learn who the safe people are by finding out who they are not. It's been hard not to repeat this with the same person. I shake my head over that, but it's true. This is a learning curve about discernment, one of my favorite spiritual topics.

4. Vomiting up my pain on my friend wasn't useful or even fair to either of us. I was acting on pure impusle and not remembering that I do have a brain to think about what I am about to do or say, even if it is chemo brain. That impeccability of using words comes back to mind.

5. If you have different belief systems, you are probably not going to see either the problem or the solution in the same way. For example, my friend's solution for me was to just forget about it and put it behind me. The fact that I'd been ignoring it for decades was what got me to the pain place. That has become clear in therapy.

Telling me that ancient history has nothing to do with today was rather jaw dropping since I was a historian for years. History is important to me, personal and world. I can tell you about my ancestors back into the 1600s. Not to mention once being in a healing profession that made it very clear to me that we are, in part, the product of our experiences and that many of us need to process rather than just flip a switch and forget
it. Cancer doesn't give me that option any more.

There is a huge difference in living in the now and ignoring things from the past that impact our healing. I'm still learning.

That's my experience. What's yours?

Leonora

TRY AN ART MEDITATION!

Before You Begin

Pick a time when you can unplug your phone, close the door and let others know you do not want to be disturbed. Twenty minutes is an ideal time, but ten is long enough if that's all the time you have. Have paper, colored pencils, markers, pastels or crayons handy. Also, your journal or other paper for any writing or notes. Read all the way through to the end of this post before you begin.

Now...

If you are physically able to do so, take a few minutes to stand and gently stretch your body for a few minutes to begin the relaxation process. You may want to do some gentle neck rolls or just allow your body to gently move in whatever way it seems to want to move.

Be curious as you do this art meditaiton experiment.

The Cross as Universal Symbol

Since this is the Christian Holy Week, I thought the cross would be a good art meditation experiment. I say "experiment" because on this journey of the creative spiritual center, you will have the opportunity to explore a variety of exercises and find what works for you.

The cross has been used since prehistory. Way before history was recorded in writing, and thousands of years before Christianity began, different shapes of crosses were created in what we now call art -- on cave walls, incised into pottery, and in jewelry, to name a few forms.

Cultural anthropolgist and story teller Angeles Arrien, one of my role models (although we have not yet met), tells us that the cross is one of five universal symbols used around the world by people of many different belief systems.

Clyde W. Ford, a healer who has written eloquently about African myths and ancient wisdom, tells us that many tribes used a cross in rituals. Way before Europeans arrived, for example, the BaKongo (people of the Kongo) used the cross to help them understand their relationship to the world.

A friend of mine who is a member of the Kiowa tribe told me that when the Christian missionaries came to convert the Kiowa , they were thrilled that the people took the cross to heart so quickly. What the missionaries didn't know is that the cross had long signified the four directions --north, south,east, and west -- for indigenous tribes. And, of course, for Christians, the cross has represented the death and resurrection of Jesus and the hope that brings for Christians.

Carl Jung wrote at length about the importance of symbols for making meaning. Symbols always have more than one meaning and have the ability to generate creative thinking and imaginative journeys into the interior self. Signs represent one thing, like a stop sign represents one thing: stop.

Whether you focus on one particular meaning or go into your internal space with curiosity to find out what comes up for you with the symbol of the cross is totally up to you. Try not to decide ahead of time -- just see what happens.

Read all the way through the instructions to the end of this post before you begin.

Please remember that while doing the exercise, it is likely that other thoughts, like taking out the garbage or wondering whether this will "work" for you are normal. Just notice them and return to the focus at hand.

The Cross Meditation

1. Sit in a straight backed chair with your feet on the floor, ankles uncrossed,hands uncrossed and in your lap or resting on your thighs.

2. State your intent. This may be in the form of a prayer if that is what makes you comfortable. For some, intent is to do God's will. For others, it may be to explore your creative space or to begin to build a stronger relationship with yourself. Let it be what it is. There is no rule for this, but it is helpful to form an intent. Keep it simple.

3. Close your eyes and take three or four deep breaths. Exhale fully and completely through your mouth with each breath.

4. Imagine the shape of a cross.

For some this will simply be two intersecting lines. For others, it may be a crucifix. Or, it can be a more elaborate cross like a celtic cross. For still others, it may be a medicine wheel type symbol. Again, let it be whatever it is, whatever first comes to your mind. Even if you have

done this type exercise before, we sometimes judge the image that comes to mind, wondering if it is the "right" one. Trusting what comes to mind is a baby step, but a major baby step, in learning to trust the creative spiritual center. Some would refer to this as the intuitive self.

5. Just sit with the image and notice whatever comes to your mind. Be curious and notice everything that comes. Approach this as though you are on a road trip and paying attention to the landmarks as you go along.

That includes feelings as well as thoughts that seem irrelevant, and any images-- if you are an image maker. Don't worry about it if you don't get technicolor movies in your head. Some people do and some don't. Notice your own naturally occurring experience. This is about your internal experience, not what someone else experiences.

Remember that right now it is not important to understand what they mean. This is a journey and over time, more will be revealed. Wait until the images keep repeating or it feels like you have done this long enough (five minutes is great).

5. Jot down whatever came to your mind in this noticing. Like a reporter, just write the facts of your experience. Do not interpret or analyze them. This gets you into your head and out of the creative center.

6. Reread what you have written. Pay attention to what your body responds to the most strongly. It may be a subtle feeling in your throat or solar plexis or elsewhere along the vertical part of your body, in front of the spine. Or, it may be that one particular word or phrase draws you back to it. Even if your head says that is not the image or thought that is most important, experiment with trusting that what your body responds to the most is worth exploring more.

7. Now, take that word or phrase or image and just begin to doodle it. Anyway that comes. Pick the color that draws you to it.

8. Keep doodling and making notes until it feels like you are finished.

9. Read what you have written and look at what you have doodled. Make some notes (or a list) of what comes up for you.

10. Reread #9. How does your response to this exercise reflect how you feel about your life right now? Make notes about that.

Are you pleased with what you have done or critical? How does that reflect the bigger picture of your life?

Don't worry if what you doodle doesn't seem to have anything to do with what your mind tells you the cross looks like. Don't worry if it doesn't bear any resemblance to the cross. Don't worry if it looks like a two year old did it. As you keep these art meditation experiments together, you will learn more about yourself as you go along. You might even find yourself creating your own mythic journey a step at a time. But dn't make up your mind about that ahead of time -- that defeats the purpose. Just be curious!

These are images for your creative notebook, not a work of finished art. Every successful artist I know who makes truly meaningful art -- and I know many of them since I was an art curator for years-- plays with images in similar ways. Many of them keep artists'notebooks full of doodles and ideas.

What was this meditation like for you?

Leonora

ST. PATRICK'S BREASTPLATE PRAYER

I've been using a version of St. Patrick's Breastplate prayer for years. Stop! Pause for a minute and notice what comes to your mind when you read Breastplate Prayer. You might come up with your own definition! The word breast undoubtedly has a whole different meaning for you than for St. Patrick.

In the near future, there will be

video meditations here

for morning and evening.

Watch for them!

With St. Patrick's Day coming up, this is a good time to use this prayer to tap into the creative artist within. Breastplate prayers were prayers of protection, like armour or a shield. I say it slowly, pausing between lines to let the meaning sink in while I am doing exercises for my joints before I get out of bed. My version is simple and one that suits me and my own beliefs. You may need to change words in your mind (even to the opposite) to fit what you believe. Tapping into your creative spirit helps you find out more about who you are,what you believe, and what is important to you. Sometimes we learn by reading something that we totally agree with. Sometimes we learn by reading something we don't agree with at all.

I say the words out loud and have images of the healing presence of Jesus. Some people get pictures in their minds, some are more sound oriented, and some are more feeling oriented. Just let it be what it is for you.

Sometimes I am called to say Holy Spirit and I feel a wonderful safety and warmth in that presence. Whatever your religion is, however you perceive God, call upon that presence in your own way. After all, God is always already here. This is a reminder of that holy power that surrounds, protects and fills us. And, by the way, even Mother Theresa didn't always feel it.

Christ in front of me.

Christ behind me.

Christ to the left of me.

Christ to the right of me.

Christ above me.

Christ below me.

Christ inside me.

I muse about what this breastplate prayer would look like on paper. How might I create a visual reminder that I am surrounded and filled by the grace of God, the greatest creator, the greatest artist? For some it might be a cross, a star of David, or something else that is representative. It can be whatever comes to your mind, including something that represents a happy memory like your cat! For me it's more about color and a shape. It can be very simple or complex. It's up to you. If this is all new to you, keep it simple to start! Don't set yourself up by expecting a masterpiece. That isn't the point for right now.

PRAYER DOODLE

art from the heart

Key: Be curious!

Have paper, pen or pencil and

some colored markers,

pencils, pastels, or crayons nearby.

Arrange things so you will not be interrupted for a little while.

Set a timer if you are concerned about time.

1. Read through the instructions. Then, choose either the simple prayer above or the more complex (and controversial, but not to St. Patrick) prayer below. Some things may resonate and some may really irritate you. That's ok. That's how life is, isn't it? Read it slowly, paying attention to your experience and notice what your body responds to the most. It might be a word or a phrase. Let it be what it is without analyzing or judging your own experience. Just notice if you do analyze or judge the experience. Content is differnet than experience. If you judge content, just notice what feelings come up.
2. Sit with your eyes closed for five minutes, or longer if you like, and repeat the word or phrase over and over to yourself or aloud. Notice and observe what comes to your mind. When it feels that you are done, write down the things that came to you. You may notice that your mind wanders, judges the exercise,or starts thinking about what you really "should" be doing with your time. That's normal. There are always distractions in life. This is practice for turning within to the creative spiritual center. Because that's what the creative self is, the spiritual center. That doesn't mean it is always beautiful. It is what it is. Just notice and return to the word or phrase.
3. When you are done writing, read what you have written. It may feel good or you may find yourself being curious, judging or any number of other things. Just notice what you are experiencing.
4. Once again, notice what draws you the most. Maybe there is one line that pops out at you or that has a particularly strong feeling attached to it. Pick up you colored pencils or crayons and paper.
5. If there is a particular image that comes to mind, doodle it. This is not the time to plan on a finished piece for exhibit. This is an exercise to begin to connect you to your creative center or to reconnect you. It doesn't matter if you have never done an exercise like this in your life or if you have been teaching creativity forever. Just doodle.
6. Appreciate yourself for taking this time to connect with the Great Artist and the mystery of the creativity within.

Here is a part of one version of the original St. Patrick Breastplate Prayer. This prayer is centuries old. Notice what applies to you and what does not. As you read through this prayer, notice which word or phrase grabs you and return to that for your writing (it can be a sentence or pages) and doodle. If you have noticed that I am using the word notice a lot, hm, that's because this journey is like putting on a new pair of glasses and consciously seeing or noticing things inside yourself that you've been too busy or too outer directed to pay attention to before. Tapping into the creative self requires paying attention. Just be curious!

I arise today through God's strength to pilot me, God's might to uphold me, God's wisdom to guide me, God's eye to look before me, God's ear to hear me, God's word to speak for me, God's hand to guard me, God's way to lie before me, God's shield to protect me, God's host to save me from snares of devils, from temptations of vices, from everyone who shall wish me ill, far and near, alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils, against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul, against incantations of false prophets, against black laws of pagandom, against false laws of heretics, against craft of idolatry, against spells of witches and smiths and wizards, against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today against poison, against burning, against drowning, against wounding, so that there may come to me abundance of reward. Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,Christ on my right, Christ on my left,Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me.

What was this exercise like for you? I'd love to hear.

Leonora

Leonora's picture - feeling good.

Seeing the art therapist

I just got back from my weekly appointment with my art therapist, Andi, who works with oncology patients and others affected by cancer, like caregivers or family members.

Sometimes I make art when I am with her. Other times we talk and I make art at home. Even though I was a psychotherapist for 20 years and believe that therapists need to have therapists to keep their own issues clear so they don't project them onto clients/patients, it took me a year and a half to go back into therapy after my diagnosis. Looking back, I can see that I was much more overwhelmed than I realized.

Life is never the same after cancer. There is a lot of good news about this. We are incredibly fortunate to be living in a time when cancer is no longer a death sentence. Even for women who were not diagnosed early, there are wonderful treatments and every reason to stay in hope for a full life. Cancer gives us an opportunity to assess ourselves and life and to learn make better decisions that are healing and FUN. Cancer may close some doors (but not necessarily), but it can open others, like how to live your dream. Some interpersonal relationships may get rocky, but others will be stronger than ever before. My life is getting better than ever. Not easy, but better. Who would have guessed?

Cancer gives us the opportunity to experience life in a way that is

like putting on a new pair of glasses.

You can see things you never saw before. Some of those things are painful, because whatever fears or trauma you have stuffed might come up and take you by surprise when cancer is part of your life. This does not have to be bad news. I hope you have already discovered how much life enhancing help is out there for those of us on the breast cancer healing journey. Cancer can force you to face fear and walk through it. Many of the strongest and most interesting women I have ever met walk the breast cancer healing path. A lot of them will tell you they weren't that way before.

Today, Andi and I looked at a pattern I have about making erroneous assumptions about people when I get into a fear state. I have had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for many years, long before cancer. When this gets triggered, I do not feel safe.

Having a good therapist who understands the cancer journey helps me stay on track and conscious of when this gets triggered. I am thrilled to be seeing things about myself that need to change. Why? Because it makes my life so much better. Human beings tend to be afraid of change. When you've faced the fear of death, having the willingness to do what you can to change the things you can makes an enormous and wonderful difference. Does that mean it's easy? Uh, no, not for me. I'm a slow learner! Two steps forward and a step back. Over and over.

For example, recently a friend was not responding to my emails. I made an assumption that she didn't want to be in contact with me. I got anxious because this triggered old tapes in my head. Those tapes don't serve me well anymore, but when I wasn't conscious that I was in a fear state, I forgot that. Then I learned that it was nothing personal. Her own life was stressed to the max.

Andi mentioned the book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Today I am taking these to heart. How will these translate into art and then into my life? I know that once I have created my four agreements in art form, they will become a part of me at a deeper level. This is part of clarifying and creating my own personal creed.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Don't Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

Working with Andi and the cancer support program has been a life saver for me. I encourage you to find out who and what programs are available in your area. These services are free where I live.

Your Art

Post images of your art! I'll post images of my own as soon as I find a scanner. What's important with the art on this blog is that it comes from the heart. Sometimes the things I create are clearly about breast cancer. Other times, they are not. Sometimes they look pretty good. Sometimes they look like they were done by a third grader. It doesn't matter. There are no rules about what we create and comparisons are a waste of time.

Why I Started the Pink Ribbon Painters Blog

The most surprising thing in my breast cancer healing journey is the discovery that breast cancer survivors are truly the most incredible, amazing, gutsy women I've ever met. I'm going to tell you how they got that way. Who would guess that the funniest things I have ever heard in my life would come out of the mouths of bald women with no breasts, or false boobies, or reconstruction of the breasts of their choice, or heading for surgery?

I expected to be able to cry with other women in treatment, but the laughter, the hope, and the creativity took me by surprise. I want to share with you what I am learning on this incredible journey that can take you through hell and deliver you to a taste of heaven on earth.

Healing is a process,

not an event.

Healing is a journey,

not a destination.

Tapping into your creativity, whether it is with crayons on a brown paper bag, acrylics, oils, pastels, a journal or another kind of writing can help you. I know that because it helps me every day.

This disease doesn't care if you are old or young, what color you are, what religion, what level of education you have, whether you live in a penthouse or on someone's sofa, whether you are employed or unemployed, or whether you are rich or poor. I don't either. If you are on the breast cancer healing journey, welcome to the Pink Ribbon Painters. It doesn't matter whether you think you are an artist or not,

creative expression is a healing path.

Welcome to a place to find ideas that will tap into your creative healing potential. I'm going to share the things I know, and I can't wait to hear what you have to share!

On this site, I'll be posting

• what's going on with my own journey
• creative ideas and prompts
• places to find creative tools
• hints on how to cope

Notice I said hints and suggestions, not advice. I don't know about you, but, since I was diagnosed, I've had some of the worst advice in my life from very well meaning people. It took me awhile to figure that out. We're going to talk about how to cope with other people -- whether they are supportive, confusing, driving us nuts, or even if -- yeah, it happens -- we are driving them nuts.

Some days I am sitting on that slice of heaven, and I'll tell you how I got there, whether it is through the pure grace of God or whether it's because of something I've consciously done or haven't done. There will be other days, when fatigue, neuropathy, joint pain, memory loss, fear, and all the other challenges that can happen make it hard to remember what it means to be grateful to be alive. If we're all in this together, even if we never meet face to face, we are not alone. And, by the way, you are a survivor from the day you are diagnosed. And, even if you don't know it yet, you were born an artist!

Happy trails,
Leonora