CANCER SUPPORT

Cancer Support Team:

Who's in your picture?

Who is on your cancer support team? It's spring time and the metaphor of preparing the garden for planting comes up again in many things I read. Weeding, preparing the soil, planting the seeds, watering and nourishing the garden of our souls and our lives. Which relationships need to be weeded from your life, or at least transplanted out of your garden for now? Too many volunteer activities? Someone who drains you? Which relationships need to be nourished the best you are capable of doing it now? Sometimes we just don't have anything to give. Sometimes we do. It may be praying for others. It may be listening to them. Taking an action. Think about how a support team works. Everybody contributes in one way or another.

Obviously, your medical team is number one (after God) on your cancer support team, but most of us need more than that. I read about it over and over again. How, when you are diagnosed with cancer, some people in your life disappear. And, some people you hardly knew before or haven't heard from in years are suddenly really there for you. And, relationships may change. That's certanly been true for me. Let's not be too hasty to make assumptions about why people disappear. One of the most common remarks I hear is that so-and-so just can't face her own mortality and can't deal with being around me. That may be true about some people--it probably is--but there can be a lot of other reasons.

For one thing, sometimes people who are very friendly turn out to be more acquaintances than friends. After all, friendly only means friendly. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Cancer can help us realize who the people are who really do care about us. And, when it comes down to remembering that everyone in life, with or without cancer, has their own stuff going on, it can also help us realize who we do or do not truly care about on a personal level. Survivor art can help you see more clearly.

Some people we really do care about may turn out to be toxic for us at this time in our lives for one reason or another. That doesn't mean we necessarily have to burn a bridge (sounds like a therapy issue to me), but it can mean we may not want to be in contact with them during healing. Or, it may mean we need help in learning new ways of protecting ourselves or responding rather than reacting. Because we pereceive them as toxic doesn't have to mean they are bad people, although sometimes they are and that can be hard to digest. It may just be we currently are on opposing paths. Like the person in my life who acts like she believes if I pretend there is nothing wrong with me, it will all disappear. Healing means using your energy wisely and part of that is picking and choosing your team well.

I believe it is true that when one door closes another door opens. Are there doors God may be trying to close so that others will open? Can you trust God and accept the closing of a door without having to understand why? Cancer can be a time of getting much closer to the God. Not only in the times we fear for our lives, but in daily living. It can mean a time of truly learning to live with God in the pilot's seat, rather than letting someone else direct where we are going. Not to mention our own control issues. There may be people in our lives we can't walk away from. Children. A job that we can't leave quite yet --although if it's dragging you down, be aware you may be more stressed than you realize and professional guidance as well as faith can go a long way in moving you to another door you may not yet have imagined. This is a great time to pray and to practice the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, accept the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Where is God in all this? Where is prayer? You may want to write a dialogue with God and doodle any images that come to mind. This can help you undestand where you are at the moment in your relationship with the Higher Powere. You do know that God is big enough to handle any anger you may have??!! Who are the people in your life who support, validate, and enliven you? The people who accept you as you are and encourage you in your healing. Who do you need to accept just the way they are and, at the same time, maybe not take what they say personally nor seriously? Sometimes the most surprising people can say things we need to hear, whether we want to hear them or not. A true friendship does not mean you have to see things the same way all the time. I don't think it's an accident that we all have unique fingerprints. There are things all human beings have in common but, nevertheless, we all leave our own unique mark. One way we learn is through our differences. But this takes discernment. That's a healthy thinking issue as well as a spiritual issue. It's important to remember that there is a big differnece in making judgments or decisions based on fear and on inner knowing. If fear is present, inner knowing is likely not. Do you have the tools you need now? If so, which ones are you using regularly? If not, where can you get them? Who are the people in your life who move you away from your truth and healing? Who are the people who move you toward inner peace and away from fear? Make an art piece that reminds you of your healing cancer support team and use it for inspiration. Or, maybe you need to make an art piece about someone who has disappointed you or made you angry. Give it a try and see what you learn. Survivor art helps us thrive.