Seeing the art therapist

I just got back from my weekly appointment with my art therapist, Andi, who works with oncology patients and others affected by cancer, like caregivers or family members.

Sometimes I make art when I am with her. Other times we talk and I make art at home. Even though I was a psychotherapist for 20 years and believe that therapists need to have therapists to keep their own issues clear so they don't project them onto clients/patients, it took me a year and a half to go back into therapy after my diagnosis. Looking back, I can see that I was much more overwhelmed than I realized.

Life is never the same after cancer. There is a lot of good news about this. We are incredibly fortunate to be living in a time when cancer is no longer a death sentence. Even for women who were not diagnosed early, there are wonderful treatments and every reason to stay in hope for a full life. Cancer gives us an opportunity to assess ourselves and life and to learn make better decisions that are healing and FUN. Cancer may close some doors (but not necessarily), but it can open others, like how to live your dream. Some interpersonal relationships may get rocky, but others will be stronger than ever before. My life is getting better than ever. Not easy, but better. Who would have guessed?

Cancer gives us the opportunity to experience life in a way that is

like putting on a new pair of glasses.

You can see things you never saw before. Some of those things are painful, because whatever fears or trauma you have stuffed might come up and take you by surprise when cancer is part of your life. This does not have to be bad news. I hope you have already discovered how much life enhancing help is out there for those of us on the breast cancer healing journey. Cancer can force you to face fear and walk through it. Many of the strongest and most interesting women I have ever met walk the breast cancer healing path. A lot of them will tell you they weren't that way before.

Today, Andi and I looked at a pattern I have about making erroneous assumptions about people when I get into a fear state. I have had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for many years, long before cancer. When this gets triggered, I do not feel safe.

Having a good therapist who understands the cancer journey helps me stay on track and conscious of when this gets triggered. I am thrilled to be seeing things about myself that need to change. Why? Because it makes my life so much better. Human beings tend to be afraid of change. When you've faced the fear of death, having the willingness to do what you can to change the things you can makes an enormous and wonderful difference. Does that mean it's easy? Uh, no, not for me. I'm a slow learner! Two steps forward and a step back. Over and over.

For example, recently a friend was not responding to my emails. I made an assumption that she didn't want to be in contact with me. I got anxious because this triggered old tapes in my head. Those tapes don't serve me well anymore, but when I wasn't conscious that I was in a fear state, I forgot that. Then I learned that it was nothing personal. Her own life was stressed to the max.

Andi mentioned the book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Today I am taking these to heart. How will these translate into art and then into my life? I know that once I have created my four agreements in art form, they will become a part of me at a deeper level. This is part of clarifying and creating my own personal creed.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Don't Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

Working with Andi and the cancer support program has been a life saver for me. I encourage you to find out who and what programs are available in your area. These services are free where I live.